Untitled because I have not yet thought of a title
Let me eat cake. And another cake. And some boxes of cookies. Throw in some burgers, endless fries, two large sodas, a dozen hotdogs…. Know what? Just turn off the security cameras in the supermarkets for a few hours. I will know what to do. My instincts will guide me. 
Cocks v Cricks
I killed two cockroaches in one night, while sparing countless crickets. Then I thought, why is society not having me do the opposite? Cockroaches look like something classy worn by men in the 1920s, whereas crickets look like creepy nightmarefuel-type stuff. What caused us to be so selective about this annihilation of certain spawns of nature?
cats, man. whatthehell.
I do not get cats. They like to think while inside a box (any box they fit in will do), they make nests of paper one leaves on the floor for them, and they never know what side of the door they want to be on! For the sake of goodness, they are just strange.

Sometimes I think of my antivirus as a corrupt cop, telling me what the hackers are telling it to tell me. It puts me ill-at-ease, because I know it is a possibility. 

I was chopping up watermelon bis and as I poured the bits into a pot for storage, it occurred to my brain that they looked like little cube-bits of flesh and I was about to freak out, but then I remembered that it was just watermelon.

Eeyup. It happened. 

Eeyup. It happened. 






Some Know Your Rights materials I made. Hopefully find them helpful. :)

Very useful!



This could come in handy. 

The Game

You all just lost it. 




advantages to wearing oversized sweaters:

  • instant cute outfit with minimal effort
  • it enhances the coziness when u drink hot beverages
  • sweater paws are guaranteed to make u feel 43% more adorable
  • u can unbutton ur jeans and no one will know

disadvantages to wearing oversized sweaters:

Guys think they’re totally not cute lol

the day i dress for a man is the day they dress me in my coffin to see jesus

  • It gets in the way of using your hands for anything 
  • it will easily overheat you 
  • you will fall asleep wherever you are, even if you are under a bridge with hobos, rapists, and serial killers 
  • if you are asked to remove your sweater, you will either have to leave or walk around naked 
  • if you suddenly find yourself alone in the wilderness, you will have to choose between a sweater or a tent 
  • sweater paws make you a crazy cat lady or manchild 
  • if you unbutton your jeans and get Marilyn Monroe’d, everyone will know 
  • if you eat or drink with it and spill, you now have a giant sweater to wash for one little stain 
  • with all that cloth, there will be wrinkles and excess surface area for stuff to get lost in 
  • you will get pulled over by cops for a “random liberty search”

@tylerl_hoechlin: It’s been a long time coming…And now it’s finally happened. 

It looks like Grumps is smiling behind his whiskers. I must snuggle him. 

@tylerl_hoechlin: It’s been a long time coming…And now it’s finally happened. 

It looks like Grumps is smiling behind his whiskers. I must snuggle him.